Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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