Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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