I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
