Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
