Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
