And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
