At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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