He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
