well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
