Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
