and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
