I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
