its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
