a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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