She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
