He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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