do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
