Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
