New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
