Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want nice things and good sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
