that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
porn star boner night. come get it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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