3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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