I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
