So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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