wanna go halves on a baby?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is the high leading the old right now
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
