I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
