You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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