fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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