"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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