It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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