You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
