don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
