Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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