How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
