As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
