I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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