either way he was missing a nipple.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
