I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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