end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize