I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
