Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
