We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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