my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I woke up under a house in Key West
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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