That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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