if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
