I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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