dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
