Moan for me like Helen Keller
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
