If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
