iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
