Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
