thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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