Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
