FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
