You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
