Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
