i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
