just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
