Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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