It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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