So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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