bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want nice things and good sex
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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