I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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