Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
