I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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