It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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