i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
