I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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