In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
