just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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