Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
