so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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