I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
