I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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