The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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