Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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