White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
