Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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