i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
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We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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