11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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