if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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