do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She even gives head with a lisp.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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