My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
