and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
