i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
