Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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